What He Doesn't Know
by sonicstardust
Summary: Tori and Jade are forced to evaluate what "they" are. Rated for slightly risque material and language.
1. Chapter 1

Jade sat up and lit a cigarette – a small ember glowing in the dim room. Traces of lipstick still clung to her mouth as she pulled in the first lungful of smoke.

Tori sighed beside her in a tangle of flowered sheets (her own, of course, not Jade's), still trying to catch her breath. Jade snickered, and took another drag. She then offered it to the brunette.

"No, thanks." Tori declined, shaking her head. "You never smoke when we're at school." she observed, and even though she knew full well that she needn't ask permission to touch, she still seemed slightly hesitant as she reached up to play with one of Jade's brightly hued locks of hair.

Jade gave a small laugh in her throat, and purposefully blew a small puff of smoke at Tori, who waved it away, irritated.

"I only smoke when I screw."

Tori gave her an affronted look. "So is that what we're calling this?"

Jade reached out to tweak Tori's nose.

"Oh, I could call it other things," she taunted, with that patented Jade mock-sweetness coming through.

Tori rolled over onto her stomach, facing away from Jade. "Is that what you and Beck call it?" she muttered.

Jade flicked the ash off the tip of her cigarette and shrugged, then lay down on her back.

"I call it 'ensuring that Beck gets what he wants and otherwise stays out of my way'." She purred into Tori's ear. "And what he doesn't know won't hurt him."

Tori faced her again, and was silent for a moment before asking,

"Jade, why are we even doing this?"

The other girl put out her cigarette in a glass of water by the bed.

"Because your sister begged your parents to take her to see a Broadway casting director in New York City, and we have the house to ourselves."

"I'm being serious," Tori told her, "I mean all of it. This time, and all the other times…why?"

Again finding it easier to make light of things she didn't feel like actually dealing with, Jade shrugged. "Well you'd been fucking me with your eyes for months, and I finally decided to take pity on you."

Choosing to ignore that accusation, Tori went straight for the heart of the matter. "So that's all this has been about?"

"Pretty much."

"And this is how it ends up every time we do this. God, I hate you so much," Tori groaned angrily.

"No you don't." Jade chortled, lazily tracing circles on Tori's bare shoulder with her fingertip.

Still clearly annoyed, Tori brushed her hand away.

"…No, I don't. Because this wasn't a 'pity fuck' and neither was the time before that, or the time before that. I just don't know why you have to make everything sound so…crude, and…and meaningless."

Defeated, Tori sat up and moved to the edge of the bed, wrapping her arms around her own thin form, which was illuminated by the pale light from the window. She hung her head in silence, her tangled hair hiding her face. Jade moved towards her after a moment or two, and softly, maybe even tenderly, smoothed her hair away from her face.

"You know how when we met, I got mad every time you were around Beck?"

Tori gave her a withering look, before resuming the activity of staring at her knees, still keeping her back to the girl who so often made her feel this way.

"What does this have to do with anything?"

Jade pressed on, scooting herself right up against Tori, so she could watch the other girl's face as she spoke.

"You probably thought it was because I didn't want you to steal him away from me…but it totally wasn't. You were right about one thing though."

Now she had her full attention. Jade hugged her knees and rested her head against Tori's back. When she spoke, her voice was full of frightening honesty.

"I was jealous, alright? I didn't want you to want him, because I always wanted you...I just hated how much I did…how much I still do, okay? So maybe you can try to put up with me, even when you think this doesn't mean anything…because now you know."

Tori turned around bashfully, and Jade grabbed her face for an emphatic kiss. As it usually did with them things quickly escalated – because after all, they only had so many hours left in the weekend.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey, how was your weekend with your cousin?"

Upon closing her locker, Jade had found Beck standing there waiting for her. Although his question gave her a massive burst of panicked feelings on the inside, outwardly, Jade remained calm and collected.

_Oh, right,_ that was the lie she had told him.

"It was exhilarating," she said, smothering her words with sarcasm, "we got to talk about her new braces and watch reality TV the whole time. Such a blast." she covered, shooting a furtive glance at Tori, who was dawdling forlornly across the hall.

"Aw, sorry you couldn't get out of it. That sounds more than a little bit suck-ish." Beck sympathized. "But I'm glad you're back, I missed you." He smiled and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek, and they began to walk to class together.

"You too," she breathed, feeling an increasing sense of guilt. As they passed by, she accidentally glanced again at Tori, and saw an ill-disguised look of worry on her face.

_Damn it Vega, be cool. I got this_.

Jade began to fall behind, swallowed in her thoughts. Beck turned back to her, looking confused. "You coming?"

"I just uh…forgot something," she jerked a thumb towards her locker and gave him a reassuring smile. "I'll catch up with you."

Beck nodded, as easy-going as ever. "Alright babe, save you a seat."

As soon as he was out of sight, Jade lunged for Tori's hand, and dragged her into the nearby janitor's closet. She closed the door and pressed her back against it, letting out a long breath. She held up a warning hand before Tori could talk.

"Tori, I swear to god if you can't keep your face straight when we're around Beck—"

"I'm sorry!" Tori blurted out, throwing her hands up in defeat, "I didn't know what to do. I forgot for a minute that you aren't only mine." Her eyes shone bright with tears of frustration. She moved toward Jade and reached out to put a hand on her cheek. "I'm trying, okay?"

Jade's icy expression waivered as she closed her eyes, relishing the warm touch. She took Tori's hand in hers and stepped closer. With her eyes on their interlocked fingers, Jade too could have almost forgotten that she belonged to someone else.

"I guess…I'm sorry too." She murmured. "But no one can know. He can't know. It would kill him."

_It's killing me too_. Tori thought miserably.

After their impromptu conference in the closet, the rest of the school day passed without many remarkable events. Jade found herself lacking enthusiasm for her usual snide comments, and had to occasionally remind herself to find reasons to take jibes at Tori.

At lunch Tori, who was looking increasingly lost and downtrodden, finally began to draw concern from Andre, who prodded her to talk about what was bothering her. Jade inexplicably found it hilarious when Andre assumed Tori was having "guy problems".

When the last bell rang, Jade kissed Beck goodbye with the excuse that she had to stay after school to work on a project.

"I'll call you later, okay?" she told him with a sly smile, running her fingers through his hair.

He had gone now, and Jade had begun searching for Tori throughout the halls and classrooms with a sudden sense of urgency. When Jade finally found her, Tori was sitting alone on the floor of the student lounge with her back against the couch.

"Hey." Jade smiled, but Tori couldn't return it.

"Hey," she replied solemnly, laying her head back on the couch cushion and closing her eyes.

"Soo…" Jade drew the word out uneasily, "we can go to my house this time if you want."

Tori gave her a sideways glance. "Apparently it's not about what I want."

Jade crossed her arms. "Look, Tori," she breathed, "everyone's starting to worry about you. I thought we talked about this earlier."

Tori lifted her head. "Okay." She said bluntly.

"Or did you not remember the part where we said that if you keep this up, everyone is going to find out?" Jade reminded her.

"Fuck that! Is that all you care about?" Tori snapped.

Jade looked stunned for a minute. "Excuse me?"

"Is that all you care about? If people know about us?"

Jade shook her head, trying to be calm as she began speaking over Tori, who was growing increasingly louder.

"You need to stop this."

Tori got to her feet and got right in Jade's face. "No, Jade, you need to fucking figure out what you care about."

She strode out of the room and away before the shock dissipated for Jade, who was left alone, and began to feel it more than ever.


	3. Chapter 3

Jade angrily swiped a hand over her eyes. Don't fucking cry. You don't cry, not over her. She dropped her messenger bag to the floor and sat down her bed, tired and frustrated. She pulled out her phone and scrolled through messages. As she had suspected, there was nothing from Tori. It didn't make it feel any better, though. But there was a new text from Beck, asking her if she still wanted to hang out. Exactly what she didn't need right now. Her throat feeling tight, Jade slowly mulled over what to say. She finally settled for a blunt reply.

_Can't today. Please don't ask why. Too complicated._

It was sure to make him curious, but she needed to give herself time to decide how she was going to deal with everything. She stared at the phone in her hand for what must have been scarcely a few minutes. It could have been ages for all she knew. No reply came.

Jade tossed the phone on her pillow, as if trying to distance herself from the temptation to call someone…not just anyone. She wanted to make things right with Tori, but her own fear and guilt were making it nearly impossible to push through and actually do it. She slid onto the floor, leaning against the bed and running her hands through her hair, still fighting off the urge to shed a few angry tears. She couldn't let herself. It was like admitting defeat.

She needed something, anything to take her mind off things. Recently she had Tori for that – her own little addiction. Hands still shaking, she fumbled for the pack of Marlboro Reds in her bag. Her tremulous fingers clumsily tried to light the cigarette numerous times, but not successfully. Finally the culmination of all her feelings had started to close in, and her eyes betrayed her, spilling tears. She threw the cigarette and lighter across the room with a small outcry of rage, burying her face in her arms.

* * *

><p>Tori realized with a feeling of falling in the pit of her stomach that there was something strange about reaching to the other side of her bed and finding it unoccupied. It didn't even make sense to her – things had happened so fast that she had hardly any right to miss waking up to find Jade next to her. Yet, she did miss her, more than she could completely understand. To Tori it seemed comparable to being sick so long that you forget what it feels like to be well. All these damn emotions were like a sickness, messing with her head.<p>

There was something about the intensity of Jade's strength and passion that had affected her in unfathomable ways. Perhaps that was how she herself had found the strength to stand up and tell the other girl how this situation was hurting her. She needed her completely or not at all…and the second option was not one that she was ready to accept in any way.

Tori picked up her Pear Phone and composed a blank message. She began to type, without really knowing where it would go. It was an outlet for her thoughts, things that kept circling around in her brain. When she had finished, she read the message over three times, fighting with the decision of whether or not to send it.

_Jade. You're the bravest person I know, but I know you're scared about this. Don't pretend you're not. I admit that I am too. I just can't deal with having to see you with Beck. I'm tired of pretending that I don't care. And you know, sometimes you're just so good at pretending you don't care, that I start to believe it too. I can't tell you what to do, because that would be unfair. It's your choice, but if you choose him, I want you to tell me that you don't care. I need to hear it from you, in those words._

On the verge of sending the message, she lost her nerve and saved it as a draft. That wasn't completely chickening out, right? At least it would still be there if she changed her mind. Coincidentally, she mused, she was here if Jade changed her mind.


	4. Chapter 4

School was normally one of Tori's favorite places to be. She could be herself here, and really dig into her creative energy. She and her friends were blessed to be getting their educations at a school where they were encouraged to let their 'freak flag fly'. However, today she was keeping quiet – not feeling anything at all like her normal, bubbly self. Although she'd had a crush on Jade for a long time, it had been easier not to dwell on it when she'd thought she had no chance of reciprocation. Now that she knew that wasn't so, she couldn't keep Jade from drifting to the front of her thoughts as she sat and waited for her first class of the day to begin.

All the students took their seats, and their teacher launched into his lecture about using props on stage. Tori took a wary glance at Beck, who was sitting alone. It was unlike Jade, for as much as of a rebel as she proclaimed herself, to be late for class. She didn't show for the whole class, and Tori was startled at the ending bell as Beck sat down in the empty chair next to her, and fixed her with a steady gaze.

"Tori," he said in greeting.

"Beck," she replied, keeping her eyes down, her thoughts frenzied._ Oh damn, do I look guilty? Can he tell I've done something? Okay Tori, just breathe, act normal…but how do I normally act?_

"You hear from Jade?" he asked.

He sounded unassuming enough. Tori bit her lip and plucked up the courage to look him in the eye. "No. Have you?"

He shook his head, running a hand through is long hair with a sigh. "Nah, me neither. I figured you might have."

"Why?" Tori asked as her stomach began to tie itself in knots of worry. For all she knew, she might have already lost Jade, but she couldn't bear losing Beck too. He was her friend, and as much as she loved being with Jade, she couldn't stand the idea of outright hurting Beck.

Beck chuckled "As hard as it might be for you to believe, I think she actually likes you, Tori. It's not too crazy to think that if something was really wrong, she might come to you."

There was a flutter of fondness upon hearing him say it. Her cheeks got warm, thinking about that phrase. 'she actually likes you'. It was good to know she wasn't just imagining things.

"Do you…do you think something's wrong?" Tori ventured.

He shrugged. "How should I know? She doesn't talk to me. It's like we hardly know each other anymore. But…I'm sorry; I know I shouldn't be putting our problems on you."

"Oh, no it's okay." Tori's heart began to jump wildly. She didn't want to wreck their relationship, but it couldn't be too ludicrous to wish that she could be the person she wanted.

He nodded and gave a half smile. "Well, even if she's mad at me – and for what, I don't know – I'm gonna try to call her. See if she feels like picking up her phone this time."

He proceeded to give her a light clap on the shoulder, "But thanks Tori, see you at lunch?"

Tori nodded. "Yeah, see you."

* * *

><p>Jade lifted her head, blinking her aching eyes and pushing her hair away from her face. Her headache was a testament to the previous night's events: many tears, followed by ample amounts of alcohol. Trying to prop herself up to see the time, her elbow hit the partially emptied glass bottle of vodka that lay haphazardly next to her. It rolled to the edge of the bed, where she managed to catch it and set it steadily onto the floor, despite her grogginess and delayed reactions.<p>

Her radio alarm clock was blasting the hard rock station from the corner of the room. She'd far overslept, and she didn't care. The only thing she was missing at school today would be seeing Tori with a look of despair and disappointment in her eyes. That, she could not bear right now.

Her phone made a repeated buzzing sound from next to her pillow. Jade dragged it to her ear and rolled to her back.

"Yeah?" She knew she sounded nearly as hungover as she felt.

"Hey,"

"Beck. What's up?"

"You're not at school today." He observed.

Jade closed her eyes against the daylight. Why did the sun have to be so damn bright?

"Nope. Didn't see the point."

He was silent for a moment. "Just making sure things are okay."

"Peachy," she mumbled.

"Hmm," he acknowledged, "so tell me, are you in love with her?"


	5. Chapter 5

Jade sat bolt upright in bed, with her heartbeat pounding more heavily than the pain in her head.

"What are you talking about?" she gulped.

Beck let out a long breath. "I'm not stupid, Jade. I'd rather you told me the truth, even if it hurts me. We had a good thing…but you and I haven't been right for a long time. That's clear enough. But there's something else going on, and I can see it."

He wasn't screaming, he wasn't heartbroken. Jade felt overwhelmed with a sense of relief, but also melancholy. She dreaded hurting him, but the fact was that he wasn't blind to everything that was going on. She should have given him more credit than that.

Jade closed her eyes. Perhaps her previous night spent crying had made her tears apt to flow more freely. "What made you realize?" she asked shakily.

"Besides intuition?" Beck gave a dry chuckle. "Tori looks at you like you're breaking her heart over and over again, and she's alright with it. I know that feeling, Jade. And I know there's something between you two, and I don't want you staying with me for the wrong reasons."

She shook her head, even though he couldn't see it. "I never meant to hurt you. I never meant for any of this to happen…it just did, and I'm sorry."

"I know. That's why I'm letting you go. There's no point in keeping up a charade when it's not helping anyone."

Jade bit her lip. "So we're done. As simple as that?"

"As simple as that," he repeated, "but you have to promise me that if you love her, you won't ever do something like this to her."

Love. That word came with so many connotations – ones that Jade wasn't sure she was ready to apply to the way she felt about Tori. But, even with her emotions in a state of utter chaos, Jade agreed, "I won't. For what it's worth Beck, I loved you."

She could almost hear the sad smile in his voice, as he replied, "For what it's worth, I loved you too, Jade."

* * *

><p>"Doesn't anyone else in this house know how to answer the door?" Tori yelled irritably, jogging down the steps into the main living area of her house, when it became clear that the knocking sound was going unanswered.<p>

"I just painted my nails!" Trina called from the kitchen, sounding scandalized.

Tori rolled her eyes and pulled open the front door. As she had many times before, Jade stood in the doorway.

Before she could speak, or move, or even breathe, Jade made a swift move towards her, latching her arms around Tori's waist and pressing her lips against those of the other girl. Though surprised at first by Jade's boldness, Tori couldn't help letting herself get lost in the kiss for a moment.

Catching herself, realizing that she didn't want any of this if it wasn't hers to keep, Tori gently pushed away.

"I told you we can't do this," she said, slightly out of breath.

Jade folded her arms lazily across her midsection. "No," she corrected, "you told me I needed to figure out what I care about…and I have."

Tori gulped, her brain still processing that statement. "What's Beck going to say?"

Jade scuffed the toe of her boot on the floor and smiled slyly. "He says that it's better if I'm only with you, than pretending I'm with him when my heart is with you."

"Whoa, wait, he knows?"

"Yeah, good job Vega, he could read it all over your face." Jade teased her, obviously in high spirits.

"So you and Beck ended it," Tori assessed, making sure she had everything correct as the information sunk in.

"Yep."

"So you could be with me?"

Jade nodded. "That would be the plan."

Letting her uncertainty slip away, Tori asked, "Then whenever I want, I can do this?" She reached out and wrapped her arms around Jade's waist, bringing them closer together.

Jade nodded, and chuckled, "Yeah."

"And this?" Tori kissed her lightly.

Jade nuzzled her nose against Tori's once they had pulled apart once more. "Yeah…among other things," she said mischievously, "but we'll deal with that later."

They kissed again, for a longer time, and Jade's hands crept low around Tori's bottom.

There was a small noise of footsteps from behind them. Both girls looked up to see Trina, standing there, looking confused.

Unabashed, Jade glanced at her own hands, still firmly around Tori's ass, and then back at Trina.

"Trina, hey." She said, grinning.

Trina ignored Jade's greeting.

"Tori!" she hissed, "what are you doing?"

"I thought it was pretty obvious." Jade scoffed.

Tori shook her head. "Trina, I was going to tell you…"

"But this is much more fun." Jade interjected – Tori gave her a warning glance.

Trina raised an eyebrow. "So you're a lesbian. Fine. But…you're with her? Really, Tori?" she threw her hands up dramatically.

Tori shrugged, Jade shrugged. Trina shook her head and went upstairs.


	6. Chapter 6

It wasn't long until Tori and Jade found themselves spending increasing amounts of time in the company of one another, just for the sake of being together. Not to say that they had exhausted their appetites for the occasional sordid encounter in the janitor's closet, but now things were somehow different…they were good...they were better. True, their relationship was becoming less and less of a dirty little secret, but even Jade thought she could learn to live with that. It was starting to become more about the little things, like the way Tori would completely relax, and even sometimes fall asleep if Jade played with her hair, or how Jade would smile nervously before taking Tori's hand, needing to receive a squeeze of reassurance.

"I always knew you liked Tori," Cat whispered to Jade at lunch one day, after tugging on her sleeve and motioning for her to lean in, she candidly admitted, "I just wanted you to be the one to tell her." She put her hands over her mouth and giggled. Jade couldn't help smiling too. It was one thing for her to be happy, but another more wonderful thing for someone else to be happy for her.

Andre sat down with them shortly after, with Tori trailing behind. She grinned and seated herself next to Jade, and the two exchanged meaningful glances.

"Mhmm, I see that," Andre smiled and shook his head, somewhat impressed.

"See what?" Robbie asked, toting his ventriloquist puppet Rex. He sat down to join them, seeming positively oblivious.

"Hey, let me clue you in," Rex piped up, and Robbie leaned down to let the puppet talk into his ear.

"Tori…" he said as he listened, "and Jade…are" he looked at the pair of them impishly, "…oh they are?"

Jade narrowed her eyes. "I think a puppet wants to die today."

"Whoa," Robbie said defensively, "chill out, he didn't say anything bad. In fact we both think it's great that you two are finally getting along."

"You could call it that." Rex guffawed.

Tori glared at the puppet. "We could call you dismembered." She pulled a pair of scissors from the side pocket of her bag.

Jade positively beamed at her, looking proud, and more than ready to kiss her on the mouth in full view of everyone, while Robbie looked confused and more than a little affronted.

"I'm cool, I'm cool." Rex moaned, keeping his head down.

Andre flagged down Beck to sit with them, and the conversation then turned to other things.

* * *

><p>The night was clear and warm. Tori stood at the edge of the sidewalk alone, listening to the music that was pumping from the Asphalt Café. She wrung her hands nervously in front of her sky blue dress.<p>

"Hey," Jade strolled up from behind her, "I told you, you really didn't need to wait for me. We're already late – as usual." she smiled and reached out to touch the streak of emerald green that she herself had put into Tori's brunette locks.

"Well I didn't want to walk into prom alone." Tori said earnestly. Jade bit the corner of her own painted lower lip and nodded in agreement.

They stood side by side, taking in the calm before the mad chaotic storm that was sure to be the Hollywood Arts senior prom. Trying to be encouraging, Tori nudged Jade with her elbow.

"Well, we have to go see if they've got Sikowitz dancing yet, don't we?" she cracked.

Jade laughed, her eyes dancing, "Yeah. Let's get in there. Together."

The skirt of Jade's green dress swished lightly and her blue streaked curls bounced as they walked the short distance up to the main area of the festivities. As they were about to cross over the threshold into the party, they paused for a moment.

"Oh Jesus…" Jade muttered, as her stomach seemed to do acrobatic flips inside of her.

It felt like they were coming out all over again, under the gaze of every single one of their classmates.

Instantly Tori grabbed her hand and squeezed in a silent gesture, holding their hands up between them and looking Jade in the eye. By the miracle of knowing someone so well that they don't have to speak to be heard, Jade knew that in that single act, Tori was telling her that this was nothing to worry about. Tonight they were on top of the world, and anything else was irrelevant.

(The End.)


End file.
